Butterfly Kisses

So today marks my first day of the second month back on ADDYI!

As I left town Tuesday night, I left a card on my husband's pillow.  Guess what it was covered with?  BUTTERFLIES!!!  Symbolic for my "flutters" I get while on Addyi!

Last week he got a larger than life butterfly on his bathroom mirror.

Today, I texted him a picture of a bottle of his new favorite beer, NOONER.  My question was, NOONER or LATER??

She's baaacccckkkkkk!

Interestingly, I was asked yesterday what exactly was a "flutter" if it wasn't in my heart?  I was a bit caught off guard because I guess I assumed it was self explanatory.  But in case you are wondering, it is similar, I would imagine, to the feeling men get when they see a pretty girl and begin to get aroused.  There is definitely a rush of blood to my V and simultaneous subtle but real contractions which are involuntary.  Signaling that, hey, I'm in the mood!!

It is totally refreshing to have that sense of desire again, even if not everyday.  It's never been about every day or achieving a hyper sexual state.  It's ALWAYS been about getting back those flutters that I used to have years ago.  

No, they don't happen every day.
No, that's not the only thing I feel.
Yes, I have thoughts and daydreams again about being with my husband.
Yes, I have the desire again to journey out and leave him romantic and intimate reminders that hey, honey, I love you and I WANT you.

I officially want to want again, HALLELUJAH!!

5 years of struggling is now over and we're ON THE ROAD AGAIN!!  Destination Who Cares!!!

If you are still struggling and have not spoken with your doctor, please do.  It is critical that you speak honestly and frankly with your provider and NOT listen to all the garbage in the news.  Somewhere in between all the negativity (fear of the unknown) and the advocacy (experienced users) lies an opportunity for you!  But you will never know if you don't ask about HSDD, if you are a candidate for ADDYI and actually take it for a while.

Happy Endings are the bomb!!

Return of the FLUTTER

Let me tell you a story about a girl named 'Manda

She's waited 5 long years for to get a helping handa!

And then last week as she was driving down the road

She got that certain feeling that was her special code.

FLUTTER, that is!  Spontaneous, Thrilling!!

So, here's my update!  

Last Friday, day 17 of beginning Addyi again, my husband came home for lunch.  Not to HAVE me for lunch ( as I suggested 5 years ago when I was on the trial) but simply to eat.

As he sat at our kitchen table, I was busy working at our computer helping a child with a school project.

We chatted back and forth as I worked and he ate but I literally had no time to even stop and visit.

He left and I ventured to the school to drop the project off.  I know, I know...but I was only retyping what he did!! :-)

About halfway to school, I felt it!  That familiar flutter I had felt years ago when I first realized ADDYI was working!  Same time of day but totally spontaneous.  Somewhere among the hustle and bustle of computer work and my husband eating his sandwich, my mind began thinking without me even knowing it.  Not until he had been gone a few minutes did those receptors in my brain send the signal down south and voila!  A FLUTTER!!!

Quickly and without hesitation, I texted him the following..."Guess what????"

His response??? "I LOVE Butterflies!!  They F L U T T E R their wings!!"

3 days later, while driving to the doctor this morning, another one! 

I cannot begin to tell you how exhilarating it is to experience this return and needless to say, so is my hubby!!  

We cannot wait for the next few weeks to see how things progress but as we are heading into the holidays, this woman is going to twinkle like the lights on the tree without him having to "plug me in".  I have once again recaptured my own source of energy and desire!

Welcome back, desire!

It's not easy talking about SSS EEE XXX

Struggling with bringing the subject of low desire up with your partner or health care provider?

Here's an excellent discussion by Lisa Larkin, MD and scientific director of Even the Score.
I know Lisa personally and she is completely articulate and understanding of FSD/HSDD.

Take a minute to read and gain a few pearls of wisdom from her before initiating the conversation!  Help is available with ADDYI but also in support of your journey.


https://storify.com/Eventhescore/askets