Driving Desire
I believe in word pictures to explain a situation that
others might not understand – particularly if they have never experienced or
suffered from a given situation or condition.
For Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in women, it is my
belief that far more women suffer from this than either are willing to talk or
that even recognize that there is a “ medically identified condition” for the
distress and dysfunction they are experiencing.
I have been told numerous times since I have been talking
about my experiences before, during and after my time on the flibanserin
clinical trial, by men, that they suspect their former spouse/partner or
someone they know may be or had been suffering from HSDD but both parties were
unaware of the condition and thus, relationships were pushed to the brink and
even ended – mostly because there was a lack of understanding about HSDD but more importantly, because there was not
an FDA approved treatment for the woman half of these couples, such as Viagra,
Cialis and testosterone is available for men.
Picture you dream car.
Brand new, shiny and all polished.
Just the thought of it gets your adrenaline flowing and your heart
pumping. Tenderly you care for it as if it is your baby, maintaining it
regularly to ensure it runs well, looks good and most importantly makes you
feel good when driving.
But there are many systems which must function correctly in
order for your “baby” to drive smoothly and remain in good working
condition. Oil must be changed, gas tank
filled, tires must be rotated, fluid levels balanced, wipers replaced,
transmission serviced…there are many independent functions but if ONE of those
fail, the entire car may run slow, hot, shaky and ultimately could compromise
the entire performance of the car.
Now, imagine that one day your tire deflates. Alas, the pesky nail you ran over leaving the
grocery punctured your tire which had plenty of wear left on it. So, rather than replace the tire, you try
something more benign like plugging or patching the tire. Low and behold, it works. Your tire fills with air and is once again at
“full capacity”.
A few weeks go by, however, and your low tire pressure light
comes on again. Sure enough, a few
pounds of air has leaked out again. You
might try another plug or this time try for a more sturdy patch on the tire
because you already know a new tire is going to be costly and is out of your
reach at this point in time.
Once again, for several weeks your car runs well and the
tire remains relatively full of air. The
low tire pressure is beginning to create a snowball effect on your car as the
alignment gets compromised, the balance feels off and the car begins to shimmy
when driving at full speed. You finally
realize that these “patches” or temporary fixes are simply not going to get the
job done so you go in search of new tire to “restore” your car’s smooth ride.
You quickly become disheartened when you learn no one has
the tire you need – the one that can make the difference for your specific
car. There are tires available that may
work for other cars but not for yours.
In fact, it you choose to use a tire that is not designed for your car,
you could end up causing further damage to your car as a result of secondary
issues from a poorly matched tire. After
all, a Firestone tire may work for some but you need a Hankook. Driving with one Firestone and 3 Hankook’s
could cause permanent damage to your dream machine.
Now, you have no choice but to wait. Sure, you could try another patch…in fact you
probably will continue to try plugs, patches, duct tape…anything to keep it
going until you can locate the correct tire.
But the process is frustrating at best, distressful at worst as you wait
and wonder why no one has what YOU need. Actually, there are plenty of Hankook
tires overseas but no local shop has them for purchase. There is no recourse except to try and rally
someone to import your tire or risk the long term performance of your car by
running on a tire that was designed and intended for, a different model…turning
your “Lexus” into a “Kia” and not performing as you would like.
I am fairly confident that for most in this situation, they
would move heaven and earth to get a tire delivered here to them just as I am
trying to move heaven and earth to help get flibanserin approved for the
treatment of HSDD. Like putting a square
peg into a round hole, I have tried several off label and over the counter
options…many of which were accompanied by unwanted and irreversible side
effects…none of which were effective for ME.
Acting as a guinea pig, taking an untested and unapproved dose of a drug
designed for male sexual dysfunction is not only frightening but insulting and
disheartening. We have stopped at
nothing to ensure multiple viable solutions for erectile dysfunction and low
sex drive due to low testosterone and yet, 17 years later, women still have
nothing.
And, just as the performance of your car will be compromised
greatly with one wrong tire on it, so has my relationship with my husband been
because of HSDD. We were fortunate
enough for almost a year to have access to flibanserin and that time truly
changed our lives. Both the quality and quantity of our sex increased while the
level of distress that had been plaguing us both before the trial, decreased.
Now, without it, we struggle to maintain the level of intimacy we achieved and
search continuously for something to help.
I certainly do not want my husband to feel he needs to shop for a newer
car because of a faulty wheel, especially since he knows there is a fix to that
wheel out there. He has seen it,
experienced it and has had it within reach.
Most importantly, I do not like being the squeaky wheel in
our relationship. Sex is important to
us. By no means is it the most important
part of our marriage but marriage, like a car, survives best when all aspects
are working well. Psychologically, we
are solid. Physically, we are
healthy. Emotionally, we are struggling with
intimacy due to my HSDD. Distressed,
frightened and offended that it has taken so long to approve a treatment that
not only worked, but worked well and was balanced with an extremely benign side
effect profile.
Let ME determine with my
doctor if flibanserin is right for me.
Give me and my husband, and countless other couples, the chance to be
active initiators, not obligatory participants, in our intimate lives. I remain
frustrated at the number of available FDA approved products for men suffering
with sexual dysfunction ( 26 to be exact ) and the LACK of FDA approved
treatments for women – ZERO. But I also
am hopeful that you, as medical doctors committed to helping and healing, will
recognize the clinical benefits that flibanserin will offer many women. In approving this drug, not only can you help
restore a woman’s desire but you also affirm her right to be active and willing
participants in her intimate life.
Simply put, women deserve. I
don’t expect you to fully even the score over night…just take a step in the
right direction.
