It's been awhile since I posted anything personal so wanted to share a story with you. A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of speaking with a woman - a total stranger - who was open to sharing her story but hurting deeply with regards to her HSDD and the events she has experienced.
I think it is worth sharing as I believe this is MORE COMMON than anyone wants to admit...let alone discuss.
For the story's sake, I will name her Amanda - not her name of course but it is mine so I know I will not step on anyone's toes.
All of her adult life Amanda felt she had been handed a poor deck of cards.
For 20+ years she took the birth control pill. It was not until she came off of it in her mid 40's that her physician actually told her that the OCP was likely responsible for her continued lack of desire as the "pill" binds to testosterone receptors in the liver and drains the libido right out of a woman.
On a sidebar...this is GREAT news for anyone with a young daughter who is torn about starting her on the pill...as my doctor pointed out, what a better way to calm raging teenaged hormones than starting an oral contraceptive which will curb all that free roaming testosterone!! :-)
Back to my story. At 46 Amanda went through menopause cold turkey, no turning back. No hormone replacement therapy after a brief trial of oral estradiol. Clearly she began to experience vaginal atrophy, hot flashes, et al...and, once again, she had no desire for sex. In fact, sex HURT.
Not only did her physician provide any pharmaceutical help for her VVA, but when she mentioned that she had no desire for sex, his response was..."just do it". Sadly, it was NOT Dr. Nike who told her that but he was 100% serious in his advice to just perform and not worry. PROBLEM!!!
A couple of years later and further down the menopause journey, having gotten some relief from a topical cream, she revisited the doctor this time with her longtime partner ( whom I will name Bill ).
Again she mentions that she has no desire to have sex with Bill and Dr. Nike's response is..."Wow, poor Bill must be miserable"!! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!
Amanda left the office empty handed but more importantly invalidated and humiliated that this was HER problem and that out of respect for Bill she should put out and shut up.What a disgrace to the medical profession...but this happens EVERY DAY.
As I listened to her story and watched the pain exuding from her, my heart wept for her and thousands of women just like her who I have not had the priviledge of speaking to personally.
PLEASE know there is help on the way but also PLEASE communicate with your partners what you are feeling and never feel pressured to "just do it"! Seek pharmaceutical help if you are experiencing dryness and pain. Seek therapy if you are having relationship issues. But if you are in a healthy relationship, are physically healthy but suffering from low desire, hang on. Visit eventhescore.org for information on ADDYI which hopefully will be officially approved by the FDA in August of this year! It can be a relationship saving, life changing experience as it was for me and my husband.
NOTE TO PARTNERS of women suffering from HSDD : PLEASE understand that hypoactive sexual desire disorder is very real. Just because you can not see it with the "naked" eye, as you can erectile dysfunction, doesn't mean it is not a real medical condition.
Think about if your testosterone is low, your thyroid is low, your mood is low due to a traumatic life event of a long history of anxiety...you may opt to not restore these levels to "normal" and suffer through but for MOST of you, I am guessing you choose to treat with testosterone therapy, thyroid supplements or a CNS drug like Prozac, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Ambien...
Further, if you have low desire due to low testosterone levels, or ED due to hypogonadism or prostate issues, you have 26 medical treatment options from which to choose. Your partner has ZERO! It makes sense for HER to WANT to have sex as much as YOU WANT to.
Please have patience with her, understand that this is NOT something she asked for or wanted or can control...she has an imbalance of brain chemicals and needs an FDA approved treatment option. I implore you to put yourself in her shoes...what would you do if you couldn't have access to Viagra or testosterone??
Please share your stories with me...would love to hear!!
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