Which came first?

As I was talking with a reporter last week regarding my experience on flibanserin, once again, my words got taken out of context...to an extent.

The discussion always centers around our experience on the trial, rightfully so!

Ben and I feel that ADDYI was relationship saving and life changing!  For us, the pill WORKED.  It turned back on the desire I once had and restored it to MY normal.  Mine, not yours, not mine from when I was 20 but mine from that very year!

Because of my diagnosis of HSDD and because of having the benefit of trying ADDYI, Ben and I began talking about this all important issue of sex, desire and the role it plays in our lives.
Until this point, we had not discussed it...for a multitude of reasons, I think.  The main two being:

1) it is an awkward and difficult conversation to have with your partner and soul mate that although I LOVE you and am ATTRACTED to you, I don't really desire to have sex with you and 
2) society does not exactly embrace women talking about sex, let alone enjoying it!

Simply turn on your TV, go to the gym, hang out in a bar and you will be overwhelmed with the male dominated conversation of sex, testosterone levels, ED, conquests.... What you do NOT hear is women talking about their lack of desire, the desire to WANT TO WANT or the desire to actually initiate and be an active participator in sex.

Actually, what you hear is, "this is normal", "I've accepted that this is my life", "I'm ok with never having sex again", "Don't sign me up for anything  because I am over it", etc....

Are these women being honest with each other...with themselves??  Or have they resigned themselves to the societal beliefs that once we hit a certain age, it is normal to lose our desire ( even though our partner's have not ) and that it is normal to cease sexual activity once the kids come and our lives are busy.

I am crying BS on that!  I was once one of those women who felt ashamed to talk about sex - with anyone - let alone actually let go and enjoy it!  Remember, southern Baptist girl talking, born and raised in the deep south.  PROCREATION NOT RECREATION.

I thank the Good Lord everyday for the time I had on ADDYI for many reasons.  For finding my desire to want to want again, for legitimizing me and my feelings, for acting as the platform from which to start a conversation with Ben and for giving me hope!

So, to the reporters and critics who say talk therapy is all "we" need, perhaps you are, in part, correct. We do need to talk.  The trouble is, most are NOT.  Many I hear from each day are suffering silently and growing a wall of shame and guilt around them that will be nearly impossible to break down.  Marriages and relationships are being tested and destroyed.

So which came first?  The ADDYI experience or the talk?  Clearly ADDYI came first and acted as both a pharmacologic solution AND a conversation starter which previously had NOT been there.

Would we be talking about it today were it NOT for ADDYI?  I sincerely doubt it!  Has the "talk therapy" and open dialogue we have continued SINCE the trial ended solved or alleviated my HSDD?  Emphatically NO!  It has at least kept the door open and lines of communication clear so my husband and I can remain united and comfortable in each other's love.  But it, for me, is NOT the solution to my HSDD.  Important?  Absolutely!  Cure all?  NOPE!!

I believe the combination of ADDYI AND the conversation it's availability on the market, will be the perfect combination of therapeutic intervention balanced with healthy dialogue and together, the two can be relationship saving for others!

PS : I am always eager to talk about this issue with folks and engage in healthy dialogue...it is my hope to help women start the conversation at home with or without ADDYI until they make a decision with their doctor if it is the right choice for them.  If you want to discuss this issue with me, please reach out via email, twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or comment here.  For others looking to debate,  PLEASE do not make false accusations(slander) but contact me directly and I will be happy to answer your questions raised while perusing my social media(LT). 

Paid for by AMANDA and BEN PARRISH
Clinical Trial Paricipant
Avid Enthusiast and Advocate
Director, SHE FOR WOMEN ( Sexual Health Equality for Women ) a not for profit company dedicated to the education of women on sexual health issues in the greater Nashville area