Evidently, my enthusiasm for the wonderfully intimate afternoon with my husband Sunday was misinterpreted by some "critics" or "know-it-alls" who seem to think that because I was grateful for the intimate connection we have that somehow translated into "desire" for sex - even though I am no longer taking ADDYI. Hence, there surely is evidence of the placebo effect, according to these "experts".
So, let me set the record straight.
ADDYI did open many doors for me and my husband as I said yesterday. The door to more frequent and satisfying sex. The door to closer intimacy and open communication and the door a healthier and more confident me because my stress level dramatically decreased.
But, for the record, here is the definition of DESIRE:
a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen:
And here is the definition of INTIMACY:
close familiarity or friendship; closeness:
So, for me ( and I emphasize ME not ALL WOMEN ), you can be intimate with someone and still NOT have the desire to have sex, the wishing for sex or the wanting to want.
Frankly, I have many intimate moments with my children, my family and friends that are totally NON-SEXUAL.
On the other hand, it is possible to be intimate with someone and HAVE desire to have sex, wish for sex or want to want. For me, sadly, this is not typically the case.
But the two are NOT mutually inclusive and very definitely stand alone at times.
For many women, like me, who suffer from HSDD, we have the ability to feel intimacy with our partners. As I stated, my time on the flibanserin trial opened that door further for my husband and me and led to the opening of other doors such as open dialogue and communication regarding sex, more honest and forthright discussions about our relationship, etc...
But in the absence of ADDYI, what I most often feel is INTIMACY and not DESIRE. All Sunday afternoon we lounged and talked and cuddled and I basked in the closeness and togetherness we shared. It was a wonderful time. But it DID NOT SPARK DESIRE and DID NOT LEAD to sex! CRITICAL point in the dialogue.
So for all those nay-sayers, critics and therapists who presume to know "what" I need or "how" to create desire in my marriage, please read this, understand that my husband and I have a wonderful marriage, very intimate, attentive to details, make time for each other, enjoy nice romantic vacations, are very comfortable in our own naked skin,enjoy our wine and chocolate and Gray's Anatomy, 50 Shades of Gray and Gray Goose!! LOL
I will also tell you that none of these things, including talk therapy, massage therapy or behavioral therapy have ignited that desire the way ADDYI did. It's that simple, It is not complicated. Before ADDYI, lost desire that had previously been there. During ADDYI, desire returned to it's prominent place in my body. After ADDYI, desire left the building again. What I was able to keep, however, because we work at it, is an open communication about HSDD and a commitment to support and understand each other that we acquired during the study, in spite of the HSDD.
This is MY story and not yours to speculate, infer or compare to what you consider to be a non-medical diagnosis, all in my head and not worthy of medical treatment. Be clear that for me a chocolate bar dipped in wine fed to me by my husband as we watch a steamy movie on the porch overlooking the Mediterranean with the gentle breeze blowing and having an intimate conversation still does not ignite desire - spontaneous nor responsive.
Belittling me or other women, being dismissive of a medically diagnosed condition such as HSDD and creating a firestorm of fear is offensive, obnoxious and not necessary. If you do not SUFFER from HSDD, why are you even discussing it. Women do not need you to be their watchdog...they are perfectly capable of making an educated choice with their physician, partner, friend or even themselves.
So, for me ( and I emphasize ME not ALL WOMEN ), you can be intimate with someone and still NOT have the desire to have sex, the wishing for sex or the wanting to want.
Frankly, I have many intimate moments with my children, my family and friends that are totally NON-SEXUAL.
On the other hand, it is possible to be intimate with someone and HAVE desire to have sex, wish for sex or want to want. For me, sadly, this is not typically the case.
But the two are NOT mutually inclusive and very definitely stand alone at times.
For many women, like me, who suffer from HSDD, we have the ability to feel intimacy with our partners. As I stated, my time on the flibanserin trial opened that door further for my husband and me and led to the opening of other doors such as open dialogue and communication regarding sex, more honest and forthright discussions about our relationship, etc...
But in the absence of ADDYI, what I most often feel is INTIMACY and not DESIRE. All Sunday afternoon we lounged and talked and cuddled and I basked in the closeness and togetherness we shared. It was a wonderful time. But it DID NOT SPARK DESIRE and DID NOT LEAD to sex! CRITICAL point in the dialogue.
So for all those nay-sayers, critics and therapists who presume to know "what" I need or "how" to create desire in my marriage, please read this, understand that my husband and I have a wonderful marriage, very intimate, attentive to details, make time for each other, enjoy nice romantic vacations, are very comfortable in our own naked skin,enjoy our wine and chocolate and Gray's Anatomy, 50 Shades of Gray and Gray Goose!! LOL
I will also tell you that none of these things, including talk therapy, massage therapy or behavioral therapy have ignited that desire the way ADDYI did. It's that simple, It is not complicated. Before ADDYI, lost desire that had previously been there. During ADDYI, desire returned to it's prominent place in my body. After ADDYI, desire left the building again. What I was able to keep, however, because we work at it, is an open communication about HSDD and a commitment to support and understand each other that we acquired during the study, in spite of the HSDD.
This is MY story and not yours to speculate, infer or compare to what you consider to be a non-medical diagnosis, all in my head and not worthy of medical treatment. Be clear that for me a chocolate bar dipped in wine fed to me by my husband as we watch a steamy movie on the porch overlooking the Mediterranean with the gentle breeze blowing and having an intimate conversation still does not ignite desire - spontaneous nor responsive.
Belittling me or other women, being dismissive of a medically diagnosed condition such as HSDD and creating a firestorm of fear is offensive, obnoxious and not necessary. If you do not SUFFER from HSDD, why are you even discussing it. Women do not need you to be their watchdog...they are perfectly capable of making an educated choice with their physician, partner, friend or even themselves.
Amanda, I have been suffering from HSDD for almost 8 years now and totally agree with your above post!! Women who have not suffered (yes, suffered) with this horrible dysfunction, cannot begin to relate to us. Up until earlier this year, I thought and felt that I was the ONLY woman on the planet to have experienced this. I have been to doctors, even to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for this specifically, all to no avail. I was always made to feel that I was alone in this and the only hope for me was to go to a sex therapist. I KNEW that sex therapy was not the answer. I have told my doctors that something in my brain was not connecting to my body, and turns out I was right! When I happened upon a video of Katie Couric this past spring doing a show on 'the little pink pill', I REJOICED! Because finally! there were more women out there just like me!!!!! I was never given a name for what was wrong with me because the doctors just thought I either needed more rest, a couple of them even suggested that I watch some porn movies to get me 'in the mood.' When they said that, I knew that they had absolutely NO IDEA what was happening to me. Anyway, I am writing to you hoping that you will be able to recommend a doctor in the Nashville area who does know that HSDD is VERY REAL, and who I can go to to get him/her to prescribe ADDYI to me when it come out in October? Please email me...I would love to talk with you!!!
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